Self-love; What the FUCK does that mean?

Soooooo, I was going to run straight into a list but then I realised that the term “self-love” is such an alien concept to me. I don’t know if this is an alien concept for all people or just us lucky few who are “blessed” to have mental health “stuff. The word “illness” and “difficulties” is rubbing me up the wrong way at the moment so I am trying something new, bear with..

I don’t think I ever practiced proper self-love before, my idea of self-love was making sure my boyfriends and friends, but let’s be honest – mainly boyfriends, were loved and happy. My internal dialogue was always “if he is happy, I am happy”

That turned out to be a crock of shit! HA! Oh well, we live and we learn – painfully – but we do it.

So, I decided to really ask this question to myself, for myself: “What is self-love?” And here is what I realised.

Self-love, for those of us who have either never done it or instead, took a trip down the lovely lane of self-hate, is hard. It is a frightening and overwhelming concept that takes the one thing I feel I don’t have, time. It takes time to love yourself if you have never done it before because effectively you are doing everything you can to make you happy and for those of you, who are like me and have spent the majority of your life making other people happy, this is extremely difficult because you don’t know what makes you happy.

Well, I didn’t.

Yes, it is scary but it is also kind of exciting because you are learning to fall in love with the one person who will forever love you and complete you if you let them – YOU. You get to work out what makes you smile, what makes you passionate, what calms you down and all that good stuff BUT sometimes “self-love” can feel detrimental at first.

Hear me out, say I really miss this one guy (to my friends reading this – YES I KNOW & believe me when I say, I really am trying) who was nothing but bad news, my “self- love head” would say: “Right Shrin – Block and delete him, he is no good for you and he didn’t treat you right” now that hurts BUT in the long run I know it is going to aid my journey towards loving myself. Same could be said for constantly going out drinking; cutting down or cutting out the alcohol may feel like the opposite of what you want to be self-love but in actual fact it is the epitome of it. I guess the phrase “cruel to be kind” really means something in the self-love department.

I guess that what’s I mean about practicing “proper” self-love. I did sort of try to love myself here and there but mainly ended up pacifying myself with an outfit, a chocolate bar or a random text to a random guy, those things all helped me out in my dark moments but weren’t really what self-love is about. In fact, in those really really dark moments I used much more unhealthy coping mechanisms but that’s a story for another day.

So now I am really going to try and love myself the proper way because in the famous words of my idol RuPaul; “If you can’t love yourself how in the HELL you gonna love somebody else?! Can I get an AMEN up in here!”

 

**Click on my next blog post to view my list – please feel free to add your own self-love tips, I believe knowledge is power and we could also use some help in loving ourselves. I think I will try and keep this list going as long as I can! Extras can’t hurt, right?!**

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